The Five Love Languages
How to Express Heartfelt
Commitment to Your Mate
Author: Gary Chapman
Keeping the Love Tank Full
• The need to feel loved is a primary human
emotional need.
• At the heart of mankind’s existence is the
desire to be intimate and to be loved by
• Keeping the love tank full is as important
to a relationship as maintaining the proper
oil level is to an automobile.
• Understanding the five love languages and
learning to speak the primary love
language of your mate may radically affect
his or her behavior. People behave
differently when their emotional love tanks
are full.
Love Language #1: Words of
• Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two
months on a good compliment.”
• One way to express love emotionally is to
use words that build up.
• “The tongue has the power of life and
• “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but
a kind word cheers him up.”
“I love it when you…..”
• Verbal compliments, or words of
appreciation, are powerful communicators
of love.
• They are best expressed in simple,
straightforward statements of affirmations,
such as: “You look sharp in that suit.”
“I really appreciate you washing the dishes
Ask yourself, “What can I do today to
make my mate’s day even better?”
The object of love is not getting something
you want but doing something for the wellbeing of the one you love. It is a fact,
however, that when we receive affirming
words we are far more likely to be
motivated to reciprocate.
Words of Affirmation
Complimentary words
Encouraging words
Kind words
Humble words
Indirect words of affirmation: saying kind
things to others about your mate
Love Language #2: Quality Time
• Giving your mate undivided attention
A central aspect of quality time is
togetherness. Not meaning just
proximity…togetherness has to do with
focused attention.
• Togetherness
• Quality Conversation and activities
Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
• A gift is something you can hold in your
hand and say, “Look, he/she was thinking
of me, “ or, “He/she remembered me.”
If your mate’s primary love language is
receiving gifts, you can become a
proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the
easiest love languages to learn.
• Visual symbols of love are more important
to some people than to others.
• They are seen as expressions of love if
receiving gifts is a primary love language.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
• Defined as doing things you know your
mate would like you to do. You seek to
please your mate by serving her/him, to
express your love for that person by doing
things for that person.
What do acts of service look like?
• Acts of service can be anything that your
mate likes and you don’t mind doing for
• Examples: ironing shirts, cooking special
meals, going to a play or movie with them,
perhaps a neck massage at the end of the
Acts of service:
• Helping with things and things with your
mate, willingly, not because you are forced
to do so.
“Requests give direction to love, but
demands stop the flow of love.”
“Due to the sociological changes of the past
thirty years, there is no longer a common
stereotype of the male and female role in
American society.”
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
• Physical touch is a way of communicating
emotional love.
“Physical touch can make or break a
relationship. It can communicate hate or
Physical touch is a powerful vehicle
for communicating love.
Holding hands
Sexual intercourse
For some:
Physical touch is their primary love
language. Without it, they feel unloved.
With it, their emotional tank is filled, and
they feel secure in the love of their mate.
How to discover your love
• Spend some time writing down what you
think is your primary love language. Then
list the other four in order of importance.
• Your giving and receiving love languages
may not be the same.
Love Is A Choice
Meeting your mate’s need for love is a
choice you will make each day. If you
know his/her primary love language and
choose to “speak” it, his/her deepest
emotional need will be met and he/she will
feel secure in your love.
“When an action doesn’t come naturally to
you, it is a greater expression of love.”

The Five Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt