Understanding Love
Languages
(How to express love so that
others feel it emotionally)
By Brent Hunter
I. INTRODUCTION
A. Without love we could not survive!
B. Much confusion, especially in
communicating love
C.Three types
1. Romantic Love -a. Actually an emotional obsession
that lasts about two years
b. Not something we choose, just
happens!
2. Love as an attitude -- “Agape”
a. Act of the will. Divine Love
b. We choose this kind of love
3. Love as an emotional need -a. What Titus 2:3-4 is about
b. Need instruction to have wisdom
and insight
c. The concept of love languages is
key to express love so the other party
“feels it.”
D. Thesis:
1. The Eight Love Languages
2. Principles how to use and u/s them
3. How to increase responsiveness
I. EIGHT LOVE LANGUAGES--Simple
yet profound insights
A. Saying it with WORDS
1. Must be sincere and specific
2. Look for the good and build on it
“Caught your children doing something
right.”
3. Brag on good qualities of others in their
presence
4. Stress the person behind the deed
Ex. “Do you like the picture I painted?”
“Yes I do. But not as much as the one who
painted it.”
B. Meeting Material Needs--GIFTS
1. Find out what the other person
likes--not what you like
2. Needs to be thoughtful--not $$
3. Esp. meaningful when the giver
sacrifices something of value to
himself/herself in order to provide for
the need of the other
4. Bible examples of Gift giving
b. Hannah’s coat- Samuel
a. Joseph’s coat of colors
C. Acts of Service I John 3:18 “Love not
in word, but in deed.”
1. Doing for the other person-- things
they would like to have done!
2. Some--show their love by doing
things for people
D. Spending QUALITY TIME Together
1. Giving “Undivided Attention”
2. Jesus and the Twelve & Peter,
James and John
3. C.S. Lewis “No time spent with
a child is ever wasted.”
E. Physical TOUCH
1. Jesus and children-- Mk 10: 13-16
2. “Three hugs a day--keeps marriage
counselor away.”
The Value of Meaningful
Touch. Touch blesses us by:
Raising the hemoglobin level in our blood, thus
increasing the body’s ability to heal itself and fight off
disease.

Lowers our blood pressure

Increases our life span

Gives us increased levels of energy/ enthusiasm.

Makes us feel more positive about life and those
with whom we interact.

A UCLA study found that in order to maintain
physical and emotional health, the average man or
woman needs eight to ten meaningful touches a
day.

F. Being on the Same Side (TEAM)
1. Feeling Loyal to each other is important
2. Take the criticism pledge!
2. FAITHFULNESS
3. PROTECTION
a. Allies protect each other when they
are attacked. We should do the same
b. You feel loved when someone comes
to your aid and defends you from
someone else!
G. BRINGING OUT THE BEST
1. “A fulfilled marriage can come only when
each partner grows because of the union
instead of slowly and surely squelched by
it.”
2. INSECURITY AND SELFISHNESSrepresses this language’s potential.
a. One party is threatened by the other’s
success and resents it.
b. One party is so consumed with their
own interests and career that they
leave no room to show interest and
concern for the other parties interest.
3. How can you express you want the
other person to grow and be the best
they can be?
a. Through praise and encouragement
b. Prayer for each other’s growth
H. Meeting EMOTIONAL NEEDS
1. Must not project and assume what
we need is the same for others
2. Based on childhood and
background--70% time different
3. Must listen so to understand
4. Need to let the drawbridge down! It
enables two people to have some
walls up for protection, yet trust
another person to enter into the very
core and center of each other’s being
5. Do you know what the other person
needs most from you?
II. PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNICATION
A. Remember it is FILTERED (See chart)
1. We all , by nature, tend to speak our
own language(s) and filter out others.
2. What we all think we are communication
may not be interpreted that way by the
other party. This can cause great hurt and
frustration if we don’t realize what is going
on!
B. Learn to speak your spouse’s language
1. Play the “Tank Check” Game
a. On a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being full
and 1 being almost empty, how is your
emotional tank?
b. Ask your mate periodically. How is
your tank?
c. If the answer is anything less than 9 10, ask, “How can I help fill it?”
2. Emotional Warmth can be reborn! You
can fall in love again!
C. The Key is to Find the Primary Language
1. What is the first thing you do when you
want to express love?
2. Probably what you want others to do for
you!
3. If we don’t learn to speak the primary
language, the others won’t be heard. After
the primary language is spoken, the others
are heard loud and clear.
D. Do not abuse the primary language
1. That is the place where your mate is
most vulnerable.
2. Build a shrine around it and make sure you
don’t “slip” in the area that enters into the core
and center of their soul.
III. HOW TO INCREASE RESPONSIVENESS
A. Eliminate the Negative
This is the more important than positively
communicating love!
B. Reinforce the desired language with
praise.
C. Clear up offenses1. This is especially important for women
2. If offenses have not been cleared up,
the couple can’t be and feel close.
3. This will ultimately will affect the
physical relationship. Most of the time,
sexual problems are not about sex, but
the relationship!
D. Be patient-takes time for drawbridges to
be lowered!
Conclusion:
A. Learn this insight and apply it to all of
your relationships!
B. If you want further information I would
recommend the reading of:
1. HOW DO YOU SAY, “I LOVE YOU?” by
Judson J. Swihart. InterVarsity Press,
Downers Grove, Illinois 60515
2. THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Dr.
Chapman
C. Both can be ordered from the Florida
College Bookstore (1-800-423-1653 USA or
1-800-922-2390 Florida).
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Understanding Love Languages