Helping People in Need
• Listen to what people
want to talk about.
• What is bothering them?
• What do they care
Counseling TIPS
Do not tell someone you “understand”
Do not tell someone to “calm down” if they
are mad
Do not tell someone “it’s going to be ok”
Do not put words in people’s mouths—
make assumptions
Counseling TIPS
Check these at the Door
Personal Biases
Rash Judgments
Lack of Emotional Control
Counseling TIPS
Active listening
Involves attentively listening to
what the other person is saying
verbally, emotionally and nonverbally
Counseling TIPS
Active Observation
Involves intensely observing
nonverbal behaviors and
mannerisms that typically provide
insight into internalized thoughts
and feelings.
Counseling TIPS
Responding (verbally and non-verbally)
Verbal responses consist of summarizing, interpreting
and clarifying communicated messages. Refrain from
smothering the client by over-talking him/her and avoid
constant interruptions.
Non-verbal responses consist of: Eye contact
(demonstrates interest), head nodding (demonstrates
agreement and encourages communication), body
posture (avoid slouching and exhibit an open posture
that includes you leaning forward as it conveys sincerity),
and facial expressions (should appear natural and
relaxed ---no judgmental expressions – rolling eyes,
angry look, etc.)
Counseling TIPS
Should primarily be open-ended.
Well-posed questions may help
verify understanding, encourage
further explanation or help move
a client through the stages of the
counseling session.
Counseling TIPS
Establishing Trust and Rapport
Respect for person being counseled: Mutual respect improves the
chances of changing (or maintaining) behavior and achieving outlined goals.
Self-awareness and cultural awareness: You must be fully aware of your
values, needs and biases prior to counseling clients. Self-aware counselors
are less likely to allow their biases to influence the counseling process. In
addition, counselors need to be cognizant of the similarities and differences
between individuals of different cultural backgrounds and how these factors
may influence values, perspectives and actions.
Empathy: Empathy allows you to see the situation from the other person's
view. It provides a grounding effect on the plan of action, ensuring that it is
feasible and achievable from the perspectives of the counselor and client.
Credibility: Counselors achieve credibility by being honest and consistent
in their statements and actions.
Common Psychotherapeutic
Cognitive: the belief that our thoughts are directly connected to how
we feel.
Behavioral : primary learning comes from experience
Psychoanalytic : involves analyzing the root causes of behavior and
feelings by exploring the unconscious mind and the conscious
mind's relation to it.
Person Centered Therapy: non-directive technique that helps
patients find their own solutions to their problems.
Three General Counseling
Is a directive approach to counseling best suited
for addressing simple problems or making onthe-spot corrections where time is limited and
action must be prompt. Under this approach, the
counselor does most of the talking during the
counseling session and directs the client
concisely on what to do and when to do it. The
major disadvantage to using the “telling”
approach is that it discourages clients from
taking part in formulating a realistic plan
conducive to creating the desired change in their
Is a non-directive approach that is preferred for most
counseling sessions. Counselors using this approach
spend most of their time listening rather then talking.
Clients are encouraged to develop action plans and
counselors ensure that action plans support goals and
objectives. This approach is time intensive and requires
the greatest amount of counselor skill. Also, for this
approach to be effective clients must openly
communicate, maturely present goals and actively
uncover alternatives. One of the positive attributes of
employing this type of counseling is that it encourages
personal responsibility.
Is a combined approach that uses aspects
of both coaching (non-directive) and telling
(directive). Using this approach the
counselor provides guidance, but avoids
directing. Planning and decision-making
are the responsibilities of the client, with
the counselor assisting with the
development and evaluation of
What is Bullying
"A person is bullied when he or she is
exposed, repeatedly and over time, to
negative actions on the part of one or
more other persons, and he or she has
difficulty defending himself or herself."
Definition on Bullying
This definition includes three
important components:
• Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted,
negative actions.
• Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over
• Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.
• Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad
• Bullying through social exclusion or isolation
• Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and
• Bullying through lies and false rumors
• Having money or other things taken or damaged by
students who bully
• Being threatened or being forced to do things by
students who bully
• Racial bullying
• Sexual bullying
• Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)
Information about bullying suggests
that there are three interrelated
reasons why students bully
• Students who bully have strong needs for power and
(negative) dominance
• Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and
suffering to other students.
• Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for
their behavior with material or psychological rewards.
Impact of Bullying
A single student who bullies can have a
wide-ranging impact on the students they
bully, students who observe bullying, and
the overall climate of the school and
Students Who are Bullied
Students deserve to feel safe at school. But
when they experience bullying, these types
of effects can last long into their future:
• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Health problems
• Poor grades
• Suicidal thoughts
Students Who Bully Others
Students who intentionally bully others should be
held accountable for their actions. Those who bully
their peers are also more likely than those
students who do not bully others to:
• Get into frequent fights
• Steal and vandalize property
• Drink alcohol and smoke
• Report poor grades
• Perceive a negative climate at school
• Carry a weapon
Observers of Bullying
• Students who see bullying happen also
may feel that they are in an unsafe
environment. Effects may include feeling:
• Fearful
• Powerless to act
• Guilty for not acting
• Tempted to participate
Schools with Bullying Issues
When bullying continues and a school does not
take action, the entire school climate can be
affected in the following ways:
The school develops an environment of fear and
Students have difficulty learning
Students feel insecure
Students dislike school
Students perceive that teachers and staff has
little control and don't care about them
The Bullying Circle
Bullying is a Serious Issue
Bullying is a Serious Issue
• Bullying may vary greatly between schools and school
districts, but it is very prevalent:
• Statistics show that 23 percent of students in grades 4-6
had been bullied "several times" or more; 20 percent had
bullied others (1998 study of 6,500 students in rural
South Carolina)
• Statistics show that 17 percent of students in grades 610 reported having been bullied "sometimes" or more,
with 8 percent being bullied once a week. 19 percent
said they had been a bully to others "sometimes" or
more. (2001 study of 15,000 U.S. students)
What Can Allies Do
• Refuse to participate and interrupt the behavior
• Make sure the bully and victim know you think
behavior is wrong
• Ignore the bully and invite the victim to walk
away with you
• Enlist the help of others to stand with you by the
• Immediately report any bulling incident to
Ultimate Consequence of
When people especially
youth is pushed to commit
suicide due to bullying, it is
Suicides in Laredo
12 males
11 males
12 males
4 females
2 females
4 females
Total # of Suicides = 45
Suicides in Webb County
Total # of Suicides = 75
Difference in Suicide Rates
Between Boys and Girls
Girls----- think about and attempt suicide about
twice as often as boys, and tend to attempt
suicide by overdosing on drugs or cutting
Boys-----die by suicide about four times as
often as girls, perhaps because they tend to
use more lethal methods, such as firearms,
hanging, or jumping from heights.
Rate in Which High School
Students Think About Suicide
• 18.7 % of female and 10.3% of male high school
students have thought of committing suicide.
• 7% of all high school students admitted to trying it
• It is approximated that a teenager commits suicide
every 105 minutes.
• Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among 1524 year olds and the 4th among 10-14 year olds
What Factors Influence
Teen Suicide
• Psychological disorders
Depression--- bi-polar disorder
Anxiety Disorders---- panic attacks
Drug and Alcohol Addiction and Dependency
Low Self-Esteem
• Persistent sadness (generally feeling sad and lonely)
• Bullying (being harassed and victimized by peers)
• Sexual orientation (sexual identity issues)
• Poor self-image (Eating disorders)
Why the Significant Impact
• Pressure teenagers experience to fit in socially, to
perform academically, and to act responsibly typically
take its toll on them. There's the awakening of sexual
feelings, a growing self-identity, and a need for
autonomy that often conflicts with the rules and
expectations set by others
• A teen with an adequate support network of friends,
family, religious affiliations, peer groups, or
extracurricular activities may have an outlet to deal with
everyday frustrations. But many teens don't believe they
have that, and feel disconnected and isolated from family
and friends. These teens are at increased risk for
Suicide Warning Signs
8 out of 10 people who commit suicide do not
exhibit any signs
• Sudden changes in personality
• Inability to concentrate
• Loss of interest of pleasurable activities
• Frequent mood swings accompanied by
violent behavior including restlessness and
• Talks about suicide or death in general; talks
about going away
• Subtle comments like “It’s no use” or “My
life sucks”.
• Problems with sleep
Suicide Warning Signs (cont.)
Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
Overwhelming feelings Shame and Guilt
History of Physical or Sexual Abuse
Dealing with homosexuality in an
unsupportive family or community or hostile
school environment
• Lack of a support network, poor
relationships with parents or peers, and
feelings of social isolation
What Can Be Done to Prevent
Teen Suicide
There are no proven measures that definitively
prevent someone from taking their own life
regardless of age. Teens are especially
vulnerable to suicidal ideation because their
minds are growing and developing and they
generally make decisions without thinking
about long term consequences. However,
there are some things one can do to minimize
the possibility of someone committing suicide.
Suggested Tips for Preventing
TIP #1
Encourage the person to talk to peers, parents, church representatives,
school counselors, or mental health professionals about their suicidal
The first step in encouraging a suicidal person to live comes from talking about
feelings. Fears that are shared are more likely to diminish.
Remember What to Do
Telling someone to “cheer up” can make it seem like you don’t understand. It’s
better to listen and don’t discount their feelings.
Suggested Tips for Preventing
Suicide (cont.)
TIP #2
Help facilitate linkages to mental health services for someone you
suspect may have a mental illness or has been diagnosed with one.
You can help by offering your support and talk to them about seeking help as a
start for them to possibly end the pain without attempting suicide. It’s important
to follow through and be sure the person stays safe until you can put him or her
in contact with a responsible adult or program.
Remember What to Do
Do not promise to “keep their secret”. That could literally be a deadly secret to
keep. It’s more important to get help, even if that means revealing a secret.
Suggested Tips for Preventing
Suicide (cont.)
TIP #3
Discourage the person from turning to drugs or alcohol to deal with
their problems and help them adopt healthier coping skills
Remember What to Do
Do not tell them they are loved by others (you cannot possibly know that),
but encourage them to adopt the following protective mechanisms:
A responsibility to family
Responsibility and love of children in the family
Fear of social disapproval
Moral objections to suicide
Social Support
Other Measures to Follow in
Helping to Prevent Suicide
Simply follow Y-CARE
• YOU--- You are never alone. You are not responsible for
someone who chooses to take their own life. All You can do is
listen, support, and assist the person in getting the help they
• CONNECT ---- the person to resources and to supportive,
trusted adults.
• ACCEPT--- and listen to the person’s feelings and take them
• RESPOND----- if a person has a plan to attempt suicide and tell
someone you trust.
• EMPOWER----- the person to get help.
What Helps
Getting Over a Loved Ones Suicide
Emotional Support: Talk to someone about your feelings like a friend
or family member especially someone who has experienced this as
well. Seek professional help if necessary.
Reading: Look for answers and gain a better understanding of suicide
and the grieving process.
Writing: This is a great therapeutic way for you to explore your
feelings in writing by being honest, logical and objective about how
you feel.
Sexual Identity
Sexual Orientation
Nature vs. Nurture
Modern science has
embraced the notion that
people are born “gay” and
have been working on
isolating a “gay gene” that
when present predetermines someone’s
Coming to Terms with Your
“Feeling Different” at 5 or 6 years of
age ---- crushes on same sex
Most people do not figure
out their sexual orientation
and identity until they
are teenagers or even adults
Your emotions, feelings and
physical attractions will help tell
who you are.
Common Terms
Gender Continuums
Sex (Biological Anatomy)
Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self)
Gender Expressions (External Presentations)
Masculine………………………………. Feminine
Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response)
Towards Women……………………… Towards Men
Identity vs. Expression
Gender Identity ---- is how you feel about
your sex
“I like being a woman; I would not have it
any other way”
“Inside I know I’m a man, but I have a
female body”
Gender Expression ---- is how you present
those feelings to the
In your clothing, name, mannerisms, career
choices, etc.
Societal Expectations
Sex (Biological Anatomy)
Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self)
Gender Expressions (External Presentations)
Masculine………………………………. Feminine
Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response)
Towards Women……………………… Towards Men
Male Expectations
Females Expectations
Variance in Sexuality
Sex (Biological Anatomy)
Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self)
Gender Expressions (External Presentations)
Masculine………………………………. Feminine
Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response)
Towards Women……………………… Towards Men
Gay (Male)
May Vary Depending on Person
Transgender People
Transgender does not imply any specific form of
sexual orientation
• Transexual people identify as, or desire to live and be
accepted as, a member of the sex opposite to that
assigned at birth.
• Cross-dresser or Transvestite is a person who has an
apparent gender identification with one sex, and who has
and certainly has been birth-designated as belonging to
one sex, but who wears the clothing of the opposite sex.
• Drag is a term applied to clothing and make-up worn on
special occasions for performing or entertaining as a
hostess/host, stage artist or at an event
Transgender People
Genderqueer refers to people who may think of themselves as one or more
of the following:
both man and woman
neither man nor woman (genderless, agender)
moving between genders (gender fluid)
third gendered or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name
to their gender
having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual
Androgyne is a person who does not fit cleanly into the typical gender roles
of their society. It does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation.
Androgynes may identify as beyond gender, between genders, moving
across genders, entirely genderless, or any or all of these, exhibiting a
variety of male, female, and other characteristics
Sexual Orientation
Not a “choice” or a “lifestyle”
• Physical or Behavioral
Sexual Activity/Physical Attraction
• Emotional
• Mental
• Cultural Identity
Sexual Identity Issues
and Youth
• Gay youth are 2 to 3 times more
likely to commit suicide than other
young people
• Suicide is the leading cause of death
among GLBT youth
• Gay youth gets bullied (45% of males
and 20% of females)
• Gay youth make up 25% of people
living on the streets
Challenges of Gay Youth
• Emotional, Physical, Intellectual and Sexual
Changes During Adolescence
• Peer Pressure
• Attitude and Self-image
• Relationships Skills
• Outcast and Invisible (Neglected)
• Conflicts with Family and Friends
• Live in Fear of Being Found or Recognized
Sexual Identity Issues
Gay youth report higher
levels of:
Bullying and Victimization
Substance Abuse
Suicidal Thoughts
Risky Behaviors
How to Help
Sexual orientation is not a lifestyle rather it’s a life
Referring to someone’s sexual orientation as a “phase”
Do not use the term “Sexual Preference”
Ask them to talk about their feelings/emotions
1st step is self-acceptance
Examine possible Homophobia internal and external
Explore Stereotypes (negative and positive)
Never force someone to “come out” unless they think
they are ready
Do not say things like
“Your parents will understand”
“If they love you, they will accept you”
“Once you come out, you will feel better about yourself”
How to Help
Ways to Help Gay Youth Deal with their Sexuality
Social Support
Keep them connected to nurturing family and friends
Professional Help
Utilize culturally competent professional help that posses a
strong and healthy understanding of human sexuality i.e. trained
school counselors, therapists, youth program staff, etc.
Educate Yourself
Expose yourself to books, DVDs, websites designed to increase
your knowledge and understanding of human sexuality
Explore religion and use it for positive spiritual growth
Visit Local Programs for Additional Help
Contact PILLAR
Why Are Healthy Relationships
Most of our societal ills can be corrected and
possibly eliminated via healthy relationships
Romantic Partners
Peers (Students)
Relationship Fact
The real problem with relationships is
not the fact that relationship problems
frequently complicate our lives. The
real problem with relationships is that
most of us have never learned what
constitutes a healthy relationship
Destructive Factors in Social or
Romantic Relationships
Giving up your personal interests for your partner.
Nagging at your partner with the intent to make him/her a better person.
Doing something just to get even with your partner.
Talking about your partner behind his/her back.
Blaming your partner for your feelings of unhappiness.
Expecting your partner to change.
Thinking "if he/she really loved me--he/she would know what I need/want
without me having to tell him/her."
• Avoiding intimate time together.
• Flirting with persons other than your partner.
• Considering having an affair (seeking love outside of your relationship).
Low self-esteem is one of the most significant factors contributing to unhappy
and unhealthy relationships
Ways to Maintain a Healthy
In order to make a relationship work, each participant in the relationship
needs to accept full responsibility for all his or her thoughts, feelings and
actions. It is important to not blame your partner for things that don't work
out the way you expected. Some steps that can help strengthen a
Accept responsibility for changing your non-constructive behaviors.
Openly communicate your expectations and personal boundaries
Accept responsibility for maintaining your own happiness.
Accept that you have the power to control your own life.
Let go of the need to always be right.
Maintain passion in your relationship.
Do not compromise trust
Provide nurturance and support
Silent Relationship Killers:
Unresolved Issues
Unresolved Issues with
immediate family members
can infect all of your future
Healthy Work Relationships
Healthy work relationships are a must for any business,
agency or educational institution to thrive and succeed.
If employees are unhappy with work duties or
co-workers, customers and overall organizational
productivity will definitely be impacted by the tension.
Keeping employee morale and performance moving
toward optimal success requires cultivating and
sustaining functional and healthy relationships at work
Tips to make Work Relationships
Develop a Positive Attitude: Avoid sharing negative thoughts, actions,
criticisms, and sarcastic snipes
Accept Personal and Cultural Differences: It is counterproductive to expect
and hope for everyone to be like and think like you
Give Respect to Earn Respect: Regardless of the situation, try not to lash out
or be rude
Share Opportunities and Recognition Willingly with Co-Workers: Share
the spotlight and recognition with co-workers; don’t hog these accolades
Avoid Gossiping: Gossip is one of the top destroyers of healthy work
Tips to make Work Relationships
Resolve Conflicts Early: When a negative situation arises, do not let it
continue to boil
Accentuate the Positives: Don’t be overly critical and instead focus on
reframing things in a positive manner
Set Boundaries: Avoid developing friendships at work that are too personal
and that will sooner or later begin to interfere with your work
Listen Attentively: Give your co-workers your undivided attention and
express genuineness and concern when appropriate; make time for them
Communicate Effectively and Professionally: Engage in open and honest
communication and learn how co-workers prefer to be communicated and
interacted with
Tips to make Work Relationships
Deliver Good Customer Service: Interact with co-workers and customers in a
friendly and professional manner. Eliminate any negative comments and
body language
Do and Complete Your Work: A healthy and positive work ethic will often
encourage others to want to work with you; doing your job well breeds
support and positive reinforcement from others
1502 Logan— P. O. Box 1702
Laredo, Texas 78044
Phone Number: 956-723-7457 (PILR)

What is Bullying