Principles of Parenting II:
Essential Elements and Best Practices
“Parents ought, through their own behavior and the values by which they
live, to provide direction for their children. But they need to rid
themselves of the idea that there are surefire methods which, when well
applied, will produce certain predictable results. Whatever we do with
and for our children ought to flow from our understanding of and our
feelings for the particular situation and the relation we wish to exist
between us and our children.”
Bruno Bettelheim
Child Development Expert
Parenting Styles
Involvement
High
High
Low
Authoritative
Permissive
+
+/-
Coercive
Disengaged
-
-
Warmth
Low
The importance of authoritative parenting to children’s well being is one of the
most consistent, well established principles in the family and social sciences; it
approaches the designation of “established fact.”
Elements of Authoritative Parenting
Adapts to children’s individual temperaments and circumstances; fosters a
positive emotional connection with children; provides regulation that
places fair and consistent limits on behavior; allows for reasonable child
autonomy in decision making.
Love
Limits
Latitude
Love
Speak their Language
“For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he
speakth unto men according to their language, unto their
understanding” (2 Nephi 31:3)
Common “Languages of Love”:



Touch me
Tell me
Show me
Spend Time
The Intentional Family is a ritualizing family. It creates patterns of
connection through everyday family rituals, seasonal celebrations,
special occasions, and community involvement.”
William Doherty, The Intentional Family
Limits
“I believe that in his justice an mercy, he will give us the maximum
reward for our acts, give us all that he can give, and in the reverse, I
believe that he will impose upon us the minimum penalty which it is
possible for him to impose.”
President J. Rueben Clark
Prevention: The Most Important Tool

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
Pour on the positive
Role plays, coaching, consulting, etc.
Sensitivity to biology, development and environment
Nudging: The Occasional Need to Correct




Personalized in number and technique
“Betimes with Sharpness” = Immediate and Clear
When moved upon by Holy Ghost
Followed by increased Love
Sparing the rod will spoil the child?
Yes!
A shepherd guides his sheep by:
• gathering them in his arms
• carrying them in his bosom
• gently leading them along
(Isaiah 40:11)
A shepherd’s rod is not used for beating sheep. It is used instead to:
• ward off intruders
• count sheep as they “pass under the rod” (Lev. 27:32; Exek. 20:37)
• part the wool to examine for defects, disease, or wounds
• nudge sheep gently from going in the wrong directions
• protect
“Thy rod and they staff they comfort me.” (Ps. 23:4)
Hebrew word “rod” is also translated as “the word of God” (Micah 6:9; Isa. 11:4; 1
Nephi 15:23-34)
Nudging Techniques
Less Effective:


Coercion
Love withdrawal
More Effective:


Induction: a type of reasoning—immediate facts to
general conclusions/consequences
Logical Consequences


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Administered out of love
Logically (and naturally) connected to the action
Never remove hope; emphasize redemption/repentance
(Box 8.4, pg. 129)
Latitude
Teach correct principles and let govern self

The teaching is an essential part!
“Why not?”

Find ways to say yes more often than no!
Rights AND Responsibilities

Developmentally appropriate participation in
family functioning
Parenting Prep
Practice in present relationships
“You can be grateful for challenges you currently have…they provide a
laboratory for you to enlarge your skills.” (Text, p. 131)

Forgive parents and foster mature relationships
Grow in the light of God


Live worthily
Learn!
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Spiritual study
Other books
Workshops
Mentors
3-Part Evaluation
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PROCLAMATION-BASED PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING …