Languaging for Leadership Choosing words that work better. Ancient Wise Saying Be careful of your WORDS because your words become your thoughts. Be careful of your THOUGHTS because your thoughts become your actions. Be careful of your actions because they create your HABITS. Be careful of your habits because they create your CHARACTER. Be careful of your character because it creates your DESTINY! How Human Communication Works Self- Talk Personal pictures Filled in details Myths and Truths MYTH It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Body language Inflection Facial expression Timing Truth Those things do matter BUT the most subtle and devastating block to communication may well be the actual words you choose to use. All Humans Have Filters and Habitual, Conditioned Responses to EVERY WORD. How the Brain Works In Communication Filters Affective Effective Cultural Differences Status indicators Gestures Appropriate body language Reactions to each word Gender Differences Gender -Men and women use language differently Independence trust Words translate into pictures emotional responses memories Word Selection – “Languaging.” There are choices between words in every situation. Be aware of the intrinsic meanings attached to each word. Choosing wisely. Avoid FIGHTING WORDS & PHRASES Fighting Words! Don’t People can’t don’t. Tell them WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE HAPPEN Failing F –finding A –an I – important L –lesson I –inviting N-needed G-growth Try Depend on it! Problem Opportunity Challenge Situation Change Improve Build But And Can't Won't Can't YET Wrong Not what I would do Different Interesting Bad uncomfortable interesting Should and Should Have Next time Next time I’ll Bored Make different choices Phrases that block communication My BAD Next time I’ll… That’s stupid That’s interesting That’s different What an unusual idea or action No! Oh, no thank you. Have you considered? Thanks for thinking of me and… Not at this time. Thank you. I Hate I don't understand …… I do not enjoy …… This is how it is What if we………..? Is it possible that …..? The problem is Here's what we could do As I see it You never It appears you seldom…… I don’t remember seeing …. You Always sometimes I think you… often it looks like you… Listen to me! Consider this, please You Said I heard… I think you said… Did you say? Yes, BUT Please consider… That might be true. Have you considered… No thank you. NO, I don't think so. The Problem IS The challenge we face is … Here is how I see the opportunity… The situation is… Don't let me catch you State what you want to happen They said Be specific about who said it or what the circumstances were when you heard it. You! (accusatory) Human Beings… Many people… I have been known to… We'll see Yes No I am not sure I will get back to you by…… Let’s deal with this later. Pick the time We tried that already Didn’t we try that? What did we learn last time? It’s too complicated We need to break this down to simpler tasks I think it only looks complicated. Let’s see. It will never work We ‘re the only ones who could possibly make this work. I can not get to it right now! We are on the same team and I promise I am doing everything I can to get to you Why did you? What reaction were you expecting when you? Help me understand……. How did you think we would react when…. Languaging IS a choice Use your words to maximize your effectiveness. Remember it takes a 21 days to make or break a habit and changing your word pattern will not occur overnight. But you can do it!!! Good luck.