Communicating with Emotional
Intelligence
Communication for Course
Coordinators
• Learning Outcomes
– Develop strategies to monitor self talk and its
influence on personal performance
– Use a range of processes to reframe and manage
interpersonal conflict
– Recognise key communication competencies for
leadership
• Integrated Competing Values Framework
– Mentor, Facilitator and Broker
A Communication Model
Source
Message
Encoding
Message
Channel
Message
Decoding
Message
Receiver
Feedback
FUNCTIONS
Inform
Control
Motivate
Express Emotions
Emotional Intelligence
(Goleman, 1995)
– knowing your emotions – recognising feelings
– managing your emotions – ability to shake off
anger, anxiety and gloom
– Motivating yourself – marshalling emotions for
outside good – delaying gratification,
impulsiveness
– recognising emotions in others - empathy
– handling relationships – skill in interpersonal skills
such as conflict management, active listening.
Flight Cancelled
Sam & John
(Stein and Book, 2001)
The Open Loop of Emotions
• ‘interpersonal limbic regulation’
Andy
Amy
Pre-frontal Cortex
Climate
• Hay Group study on 4000 executives linked
EI leadership styles to climate
Leadership
style
Climate
Organisational
performance
Primal leadership styles
• Resonant Leadership (positive r)
–
–
–
–
Visionary (.54): set clear directions and goals
Coaching (.46): help others to succeed, support
Affiliative (.43): build emotional bonds in the team
Democratic (.42): involve others in decisions that affect them
• Dissonant Leadership (negative r)
– Pacesetting (-.25): push for achieving higher targets
– Commanding (- .26): use power through coercion/authority
Email (Resonant or Dissonant)
Staff…..
As per correspondence received from Linda Kristjanson (reproduced
below) it is time for the Division to begin coordinating the RQF process
by identifying eligible and assessable RQF researchers.
Check the eligibiilty criteria listed below and advise your Head of School if
you are eligible.
The timelines are tight so move on this ASAP. Once we have a list of
eligible researchers we need to then check that the necessary data is
in SCRIPT and that the best four requirements forevidence have been
fulfilled.
Questions? Direct them to Mary Smith by email
[email protected]
Regards
Tom Jones
Email (Resonant or Dissonant)
Dear Colleagues,
I don’t like to burden you with details about SCRIPT and RQF but
we’re approaching some important deadlines that will affect our
input into the RQF, which in turn has funding implications for the
university.
By early December we need to have our SCRIPT research
publications lists complete and have nominated our four best
publications. Tom and Mary are working at updating the
publications records for staff and are very helpful with the details
of SCRIPT. However we need your help.
….
I’m not a SCRIPT data base guru but I’m happy to answer any
questions about what the process is and why it matters. Please
contact me if you have any queries.
Best wishes,
Jane
Self –Talk / Mindfulness
• Self-talk is a concept which can be
understood and developed so that an
individual can become more competent by
identifying negative thoughts and replacing
them with positive self talk (Tice, 1995) which in
turn, has a positive impact on their manner in
communication.
Emotion
What really happens….
Interpretation
Event
Thought
Reaction
Behavior
belief
Communication
Self –Talk Exercise
“I have had a great many troubles in my life, and most never
happened.” Mark Twain.
Catching Faulty Thinking
(Ellis, 1995)
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Exaggeration
Overgeneralisation
Shoulds/Musts
Having to Be Right
Catastrophizing
Awfulizing
Self-blaming
Mind-Reading
Fallacy of Fairness
Fuels Thinking
And Resultant
Communication
Figure.. Ladder of Inference. Based on Ross (1994) p.
243)
The A - F Model for Challenging Beliefs
(Zeus and Skiffington, 2002:187)
•
A
Activating event or situation: giving a presentation in front of colleagues
•
B
Self limiting belief: I must perform exceptionally well or my colleagues will
think I am stupid – (self blaming, exaggeration, catastrophizing)
•
•
C
Consequences of this belief (emotional or behavioral): anxiety, poor
concentration, defensiveness
•
D
Disputing the self-limiting belief(s) have I never given a good
presentation? Are all presentations perfect? Will people really laugh at me if I
make a mistake? How have I reacted to other peoples presentations?
•
E
Effective new beliefs: There is no evidence that my colleagues think or will
think I am stupid if I do not perform exceptionally well. I have given great
presentations before. I have received positive feedback from peers in the
past.
•
F
New feelings: More confident, able to approach the presentation as a
challenge rather than an ordeal.
Managing Conflict
Effects of conflict on group performance
optimal level of conflict
Group performance
high
low
low
Conflict
high
Sources of Conflict in the Workplace
Work Overload***
Work Underload
Conflicting Demands***
Responsibility without Control***
Win-lose situations***
With-holds
• Are negative feelings we have towards others that
inhibit our free expression (with-hold)
• There are costs and benefits associated with a with
hold
• The more this with-hold is applied, the more negative
experience escalates and takes control of your
energy – because of avoidance
With-hold Exercise
•
Identify a person with whom you have a 'with-hold‘: you can keep this
confidential….
•
Discuss with your partner the nature of the 'with-hold‘: you don’t have
to mention who it is with…..
•
What benefits do you receive by not addressing the 'with-hold' with the
other person?
•
What costs are there associated with not addressing the 'with-hold'
with the other person?
•
Write a statement that would allow you to express your 'with-hold'.
•
What is the result you expect/hope to achieve from taking action?
Being assertive when addressing a with-hold
“I vs. You”
As an assertive person you can:
 Initiate, maintain & terminate a conversation
Aggressive
 Refuse unreasonable requests
 Handle criticism
 Express negative feelings
 Stand up for yourself
Assertive
 Express positive feelings
 Ask for clarification or make requests
 Express active disagreement
 Avoid justifying every opinion
Passive
Addressing the With-Hold
Active Listening
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Make an effort to listen
Make eye contact
Show interest, open body posture
Avoid distracting actions
Take in whole picture
Ask Questions, without judgement
Reflect. paraphrase, summarise
Don’t interrupt
Don’t talk over the other person
Test bias – evaluate the message
Be natural
Non-Verbal Messages
Actions speak louder than words
– 7 % of what we hear
– 38% tone of voice (paralanguage)
– 58% body language
Calibration and Synchronization Categories
Calming “Amy or Andy”
• Territorial Position – where/what space?
• Body Language
– Posture (how do they sit/balance)
– Mobility
– Gestures
– Breathing
– Facial expression
– Muscular tension
– Mouth – lower lip
– Eye
• Tonality
• Values and how their expressed
• Contextual Elements
The Meaning of Your Communication
is the Response That You Get
Merlevede, Bridoux and Vandamme (2001)
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